


No More

by xpaluga



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Happy Ending, Jealous Louis, Kissing, M/M, Making Out, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-20
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-11-26 11:47:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18180203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xpaluga/pseuds/xpaluga
Summary: Harry makes Louis choose between their relationship and smoking. Louis chooses wrong.Including lots of angst and fluff.





	No More

As Harry walked into Louis' flat, he could already smell it. He couldn't exactly tell what it was, but probably weed, again. Ever since Louis and Harry began dating, the older boy smoked on a daily basis. It wasn't much of a problem for Harry. He didn't like the smell and the kisses from Louis afterwards, but he got used to that. What he couldn't get used to, though, was the fact that Louis was ruining his body, continuously. Harry obviously didn't like it, but Louis didn't even seem to care about that, which was stupid in his opinion.

And it's not like Harry hasn't tried to get Louis to stop smoking - he has. He tried to only give him kisses when Louis hasn't smoked that day, but Louis always finds a way to persuade him. And Harry can't really spend time with Louis without kissing him.

Once, Harry hid his cigarette pack, which didn't go well. Louis started getting mad about it, and immediately knew it was Harry, of course. He got really angry at him, so Harry gave him the pack back in no time.

That, though, was the moment where he knew his boyfriend was seriously addicted. The look in his face, not just the anger, but also panic, anxiety, was enough for Harry to want to convince Louis to get actual help, or at least to really try something, and to really want to stop to.

But it never happened. Louis apparently didn't see where the problem was. And this time, it was Harry who got mad. Not at Louis, but at his incredible stubbornness. And he was exhausted too, that Louis apparently didn't care about Harry, and that might seem selfish, but it was Harry's problem too. He had to watch his boyfriend damage his lungs and couldn't do anything but watch, wasn't allowed to get help because it was still only Louis' decision and Louis' will.

So Harry got a great idea that maybe wasn't so great after all.

•

Louis sat on his couch by the window, smoking while watching football on the telly when Harry came in. He looked up at him and grinned. "Hey, babe," he greeted him and patted the place next to him.

Harry smiled nervously, sitting down. "Didn't know you'd come, what's up? Everything okay?"

"No, nothing is okay," Harry wanted to answer, but he didn't say that. He could already feel sweat gathering at the back of his neck. He didn't want to do that, but he felt like he had to. He's never done something so risky, but he felt like it was important to try it, or else Louis' smoking would never stop. Harry, as his boyfriend, felt like he's responsible for Louis' health too, or that he at least should do everything he could to help him.

So here goes nothing. Harry took a big breath. "I have to talk to you. It's serious." That's were Louis looked at Harry for real, furrowing his eyebrows and tilting his head questionably. He stubbed out his cigarette. "What's wrong?"

Harry stared at the full ashtray and mumbled, "It's about your smoking." Louis threw his head back and groaned, as expected. He didn't like when Harry talked about it, because he knew his boyfriend was desperately trying to get him to stop. "Harry, can't you leave it already? Don't start with that again."

Harry pursed his lips. Normally when Louis got like that, he would stop talking about it. Once Louis got the tiniest bit frustrated, you shouldn't add fuel to the fire. Harry knew Louis would never hurt him or anything, of course, but it still was a bit scary when he got like that and Harry always surrendered. Not this time, though.

"No Louis, we gotta talk about that. It's a serious matter," Harry stated for that fiftieth time, maybe. He didn't care, he would say it until Louis finally got it in his big scull. "It's my decision and my business, not yours," Louis answered, a bit louder, but not angry, yet, which was good.

"But it's not, Louis, I'm your boyfriend, I don't want you to die at 60 or at an even younger age! And your whole flat stinks, by the way!" Louis just rolled his eyes. "You're addicted, Louis, why don't you wanna get help?" Harry begged with wide eyes, pleading. Louis looked at him with a scowl. "I'm not addicted, Harry, stop saying that. And this conversations never lead to anything anyway, so why don't we just stop and have nice time instead, yeah?" He offered.

Harry stood up, angry. He himself never got mad before, it's always been Louis, but this time, Harry has had enough of this. "No, Louis!" he almost shouted, and Louis eyebrows lifted, surprised. "You definitely are addicted, and I don't know if doing this right now is morally right or whatever, but I don't care. I can't watch you having that kill stick in your mouth one more time, and I won't, so unless you'll seriously try to stop and fucking stop smoking, I'll break up with you. I really mean it."

When he was finished, letting all of his anger out, he saw Louis sitting there with wide eyes. Harry didn't want to break up with Louis, but he hoped Louis didn't want that either and choose to be with Harry. That was his genius plan, but now he wasn't so sure if Louis really will fight for their relationship.

A few seconds passed until Louis spoke, "What? Are you serious?" he asked and Harry rolled his eyes and nodded. As if he'd ever joke about that. Louis eyes got even more bigger. "You can't do that. Do you realize what you're saying?" Once again, Harry nodded. "Apparently our relationship means nothing to you, then." Louis stated, his voice sounding hollow.

"It means everything! That's why I'm doing it, you idiot," he shouted at his boyfriend, even angrier than before, but he couldn't help it.

Louis stood up as well, furious. "That's such a stupid thing to do, Harry, do I make you choose between me and, I don't know, biting on your fucking fingernails? Because I certainly don't like that about you, either!"

"I don't destroy my organs by doing that, though! You totally missed the point, apparently!"

Their argument was going in a completely other direction than Harry had hoped for. He wanted Louis to be shocked and choose him in a heartbeat and they'd live a happy, healthy life after that, not them fighting with Louis being madder every second.

"You know what, Harry," Louis said after a time, letting himself fall backwards on his couch, "If you want to be like that, then go ahead. If you can't be with me when I smoke, then don't be with me at all." He didn't look at him while he said it, staring on the ground, his voice cold and empty.

Harry was speechless. "For real? You're not even willing to fight for me? Is smoking that important to you? More important than your boyfriend?" he asked, shocked and tearing up.

Louis didn't give an answer, so that was enough of an answer. "Alright," Harry mumbled, voice shaking and staring at Louis. His eyes were burning and he was desperately waiting for Louis to say something, to apologize maybe and tell him that of course he would stop for him. But it wasn't even about smoking anymore, it was about the fact that Louis chose something unimportant and damaging over Harry, when he claimed he wasn't addicted.

Harry took a big breath, his throat feeling tight, and said, "It's over, Lou. I hope you'll find somebody who you're willing to live a little longer for. I love you."

When he felt the first tears roll down his cheeks, he turned around quickly, knowing that Louis hated when he cried. Also, because he had to leave, since there was no reason for him to stay any longer. Because they're not boyfriends any more. Harry felt a sharp sting in his chest when that thought hit him. He left the flat quickly before Louis could hear him sobbing.

•

The coming weeks were difficult. Very difficult. It's hard for Harry to not think about Louis at night, when there's no distractions. During the day, Harry tried to do as much as possible to control his thoughts. He still went to school and tries to pay attention as much as possible to not let his thoughts drift in the wrong direction, because once that happens, it's impossible to go back.

His best friend, Niall, is the most supportive person on earth, he's by his side every time Harry called him and had a breakdown. He doesn't see his other friends, Liam and Zayn, as often now because they're at uni now, like Louis. In the past, they used to meet up as a group, which probably won't happen anymore now.

Harry regretted making Louis choose, he wish he would have never brought that topic up again but now as he's done it, he's not gonna take it back and beg Louis to get back together. He wished they were, though.

He's never felt like he felt now. In the night, he thinks about all their time together. They started off as friends when Louis was still in high school and had a class together. But already then, Niall and their other friends could tell they'd end up as couple because they were acting like soulmates, which was probably true. At a party, they had their first kiss. Harry had been drunk and every time he's drunk he does things without thinking about the consequences. Louis had walked up to him and had asked worriedly if he's alright and just like that, Harry had kissed him quickly and answered, "Yup." The next morning, Louis had asked him to be his boyfriend. That was one year ago, and it's been the best year Harry's ever had.

He's currently at home, snivelling while looking at the photo album Louis had gotten him a few months ago for their one year anniversary, when he got a call from Niall. Harry quickly wiped his nose and answered.

"Hello?" he asked even though he knew it's Niall. "Yeah, Harry, hi. Do you wanna come with me and a few others to a party?" his best friend offered. Harry hesitated and looked up at the clock in his room. It was already 9 pm. "Tonight?" he asked, unsure. "Yeah, of course! Nick Grimshaw is throwing it at his house." Harry could already hear his smirk over the phone and rolled his eyes. "Alright, yes, I'll go."

Arriving at his house, Harry noticed there were already a lot of people there and drunk as well. A small group was standing near the door, smoking and it instantly reminded him of Louis. He wouldn't be here, would he? He hated Nick, for whatever reason.

In the next hour, Harry planned on getting drunk, since today was an especially weak day for him. When he already downed around half a dozen shots on a table with friends and strangers, he could see Nick, the host, approaching. His eyes were on Harry. "Haz!" he shouted, pleasantly surprised. He was reminded of Louis again, since only he used to call him that. Maybe that's why Louis' hated him, he stole his nicknames.

Harry smiled friendly. "Hey Nick," he slurred a bit. "How's it going?" Nick grinned and sat down next to him. "Good, good, thanks for asking. I'm glad you came," the older boy answered and put his hand on Harry's elbow. "D' you want a drink? I can make you something," Harry wanted to decline, but Niall cut in, "Yeah! And make me one, too, please."

A few hours later, Harry was full-on drunk and sitting on one of the couches with Nick, crying and telling him about their breakup. Nick laid a hand on his leg and tried to comfort him, but to no avail. "He's a dumbass, you know? Nobody in their right mind would not want to be with you, let alone choose you over something like that," Nick stated and rubbed his thigh.

"Maybe I was too harsh, he's addicted, I shouldn't have been so selfish and-" Nick cut me off, "You're anything but selfish, babe. Trust me. You were just thinking about yourself for once which is a good thing. Breaking up with him was the right choice." Harry didn't know how to answer, so he shrugged his shoulders. He didn't feel like breaking up was the right choice, though.

"I'm gonna go use the restroom," I told him and went upstairs. Standing in front of the mirror, he wondered how he ended up like this: drunk, sad, heartbroken, madly in love.

Without thinking, he grabbed his phone and dialled Lou's number. They haven't talked since they called it quits three weeks ago, but Harry was crying and only one person could make him better.

It rang for a while and when the thought that Louis might be sleeping hit him Harry wanted to hang up. At exactly that moment, he could hear Louis picking up. "Harry??" He sounded off. Not tired, but exhausted, kinda. Without thinking - again - Harry blurted. "Lou!" Anxiously, he brought up his fingers and chewed on them. There was silence so Harry spoke again. "I missed your voice so much so I called you. Can we talk?" Harry asked cautiously, voice slurring and shaking as he was trying not to cry.

"A-Are you drunk? Where are you? Is Niall with you?" Now he sounded a bit worried, which he was always when Harry drank alcohol. "I'm at a party," he answered and remembered Louis asked something else. "Yes, he's just downstairs, I think." Louis let out a relieved breath. "Okay, good. Listen, I don't think we should talk, Harry." I gasped. "Why??" "Haz, you broke up with me. You can't just call me and... you're... drunk."

Louis didn't want to talk to him. "O-okay," Harry said and tears began to leak down his face once again. "Sorry..." He tried not to make it obvious how that was getting to him. There was officially no hope of getting back together anymore, Louis was over him, he didn't want anything to do with him.

Without meaning to, Harry let out a sob and grasped onto his phone desperately, wanting Louis to hang up already. Instead, he heard a frustrated sound. "Please, Harry, please stop crying," he begged on the other line. But Harry couldn't stop, as much as he wanted to. All this time, he had thought there was some kind of way they could get back together but it was in fact totally over for Louis when Harry said it.

"I'm sorry I called, Lou. I love you," he cried into the phone and ended the call miserably.

•  
The next few days were even worse than before, since Harry hadn't forgotten about the phone conversation him and Louis' had.

As much as Harry wanted to move on, now that he knew that for Louis it was 100% over, but he just couldn't. Everything reminded him of his ex-boyfriend, his room was full of memories they had and people always said things that reminded him of their moments together. He just couldn't let go of him.

Harry is desperate and pathetic. Sometimes at night, when he's especially weak, he just texts Louis a random "Hi", knowing he won't answer anyway but getting his heart broken once again when he sees that he's been left on read (once again).

Niall noticed how miserable Harry has been as well. He tried everything possible to somehow get his mind off Louis. It works one out of ten times, maybe.

It's August 29th today, Liam's birthday. Harry already texted him happy birthday with lots of cool emojis. It's in school at lunchtime when he got a response. "thanks mate! ur comin to my party today right?" Harry freezed. He hadn't thought about that. Turning his head to Niall, he asked worriedly, "Liam's having a birthday party?" Niall nodded. "Yes. Why? Are you worried Louis will be there?" Of course he's worried about that. He just nodded. "Don't worry, it'll be a huge party, I doubt you'll even see him."

Harry wasn't so sure about that, but texted Liam a "sure :)" and tried not to think about it again until tonight.

Tonight was coming rather quickly and now he was standing in front of the mirror, looking at his outfit. Skinny jeans with a baby blue blouse that showed off a bit of his chest. That's what he always wears for parties, and that's what Louis loved. He always commented on how it'll be easier and quicker to undress him when they got home-

Sighing, Harry looked at his hair. It's quite long now, reaching to his chin. He had wanted to cut it a long time ago, but Louis always begged him not to because he loved it that way.

Frustrated with his thoughts, he just turned away from the mirror and proceeded to text Niall now, when something catches his eye under his desk. It's his pink lipstick. Harry quickly picks it up and looks at it in wonder. He had been looking for that but gave up eventually because he thought he lost it somewhere.

Louis bought it for him because apparently he thought it would look really good on him. Harry had blushed and shoved him playfully, refused to put it on. One day, he surprised him by wearing it and Louis almost fell off the chair when he walked into the class like that.

With teary eyes, Harry turned back to the mirror and carefully puts it on again. When he's finished, he leans back and observes it. Deciding that he really still likes it, he leaves it on and goes to meet Niall to drive them to the party. Having in mind that, maybe, only maybe, he will meet somewhere who likes his look too. It's time to move on, after all.

*

"Happy birthday, Liam!" Harry shouted and hugged his friend tightly. "Thank you, Harry," Liam laughed in his shoulder. "Thanks for coming." Harry smiled when they let go of each other. "Of course!"

Niall hugged him afterwards and Liam told us to have a good time and that all drinks are free. It was very crowded and loud and for a moment, Harry thought about Louis and that they might not see each other after all. He didn't know what he hoped for.

Harry walked around alone for a while, getting drunk and meeting new people. He had a really great time and thought about meeting someone and spending the night with them. He never had a one night stand before, but he was 18 now and he desperately wanted  to get rid of the hollow feeling he had in his chest.

So he just kind of walked up to a random group of people. Doing that is easier when being drunk, after all. "Hey guys," he slurred at them and watched them turn around surprised. Just then he was really seeing what they were doing. Smoking weed. Harry felt like puking. It was a surprise Louis' wasn't with them.

"Yeah? You want some?" One of the guys that were sitting there asked. He was pretty good looking in Harry's opinion. "N-no, but thank you," Harry declined as politely as possible in his intoxicated state. "You wanna sit with us? C'mon, don't be shy," another boy said and smiled.

*

In the next hour, Harry spent his time talking to those guys who were actually very nice, even though they looked a bit older than him, but he didn't really mind that.

The hot boy, Connor, was sitting next to him and had his arm wrapped around Harry's body, hand on his waist. If he wasn't drunk, he would probably find that a bit weird and too intimate. He's probably back away. But... he's drunk.

"Nice lipstick, by the way," Connor stated while staring at his lips, "suits you really well," Harry's face heated up and he looked down at his lap. "And it looks even better when you're blushing." He winked. Harry smiled. "Thanks."

"Y'know," the older guy started again and put his cigarette down. "You're really fucking pretty, even without makeup." He touched his thigh, and stared up in his eyes. "D'you wanna try something?" Harry nodded slowly, not quite sure where this was going. Connor took out something small. A pill, maybe? "What is that," he asked confused. He was getting dizzier every second.

"It'll make you feel real good. Do you trust me?" Unsure, Harry nodded. "Okay. Just swallow that pill, then."

Connor guided the pill up to Harry's lips and waited until he swallowed it. "Good boy," the older boy said, grinning.

•

Waking up on a hard ground, Harry slowly sat up and rubbed at his eyes but his dizzy vision didn't disappear. He was confused. Where was he? Everything was dark but he could hear quiet music distinctly.

Feeling weird and lightheaded, Harry stood up and clung to the wall beside him because his legs felt wobbly and weak. Liam's party, Harry remembered. That's where he was. Did he fall asleep? What happened?

He walked down the hallway until he recognized the bathroom. Relieved, Harry stumbled into it and was relieved to find it empty. Switching on the light switch, the boy turned around to look in the mirror and gasped when he saw his reflection.

His hair was wild and stuck in every direction, his eyes glassy and red and his lipstick was smudged around his mouth. He looked horrible and... as if he just had sex. It reminded him of the times when he and Louis slept together, only that his cheeks would be more flushed and he'd have a huge grin on his face.

Which just reminded him of his ex-boyfriend and that he had just very likely done something sexual he doesn't remember with someone for the first time since Louis. He felt like throwing up. Already feeling his face tearing up and soon feeling big fat tears rolling down his cheeks, Harry held onto the sink and cried silently. Everything was going wrong lately. He didn't even have his phone with him, probably lost it somewhere in this house.

After a while of just contemplating his poor, sad life in his drunken state, Harry heard the door open. Of course, that's when Louis came in. Of fucking course.

Louis looked up and his "sorry" got stuck in his throat when he saw who was in front him. "I- Harry," he stated surprised. He observed his hair and lips, his eyes widening and his jaw falling open. Harry, trying not to cry harder, pressed his lips together for a moment.

Obviously Louis wasn't stupid and aware that Harry probably just sucked somebody off, given his swollen mouth and smeared pink lipstick. The thing was, Harry himself didn't even know what happened, he just kind of woke up like this. Shame began to spread out in Harry's body and he just felt like a slut. More tears escaped his eyes and he turned back to the sink to start washing his face.

Louis seemed to wake up from his weird trance and stepped up to Harry hesitantly. "Why... Harry, why are you crying?" Louis asked with furrowed eyebrows. The younger boy just shook his head silently. "What happened?" Louis pressed. "Harry, what's wrong?"

He turned back to Louis with a helpless look. "I-I don't know, Louis, I can't remember anything. Just that someone gave me some kind of pill and then I woke up in the hallway."

Louis' eyes widened. "Fuck, Harry. Who?" He urged. Harry tried to remember his name, but it wasn't that easy with the consistent pounding in his head. "I forgot," Harry whispered and bit his lip worriedly. Louis cursed and turned around. "Louis," Harry called. "Please don't leave," Harry begged and Louis' look softened. "I wasn't gonna leave, babe, of course not. I'm just... angry. Not at you, though," he explained. Harry nodded, relieved.

After a long, awkward pause, Louis spoke up again, "C'mon, I'll get you home now. Where's Niall, anyway?"

They couldn't find him, so Harry just texted him that he left already. He didn't mention that Louis was with him.

On their way to Harry's home, he suddenly remembered, "Oh, shit, no, no, no." Louis turned at him surprised, then panicked. "What's wrong? Harry, are you getting sick?" Harry shook his head quickly. "No, but my parents are home and probably still awake, I think. They can't see me like that, obviously." He fiddled with his hands nervously, knowing what that meant. Louis too, given his sigh. "Alright, then," he took a risky u-turn. "My place it is."

Arriving at Louis' flat, Harry was disappointed to find the same, old, familiar smell and cigarettes laying on the window sill. More than usual, it seemed like. Harry felt even worse than, he just left him without really helping him and now he's worse than ever. Why, though?

"C'mon, boy, go sleep in my bed, I'll take the couch." Harry smiled and thanked him, before he remembered this would be the first time at his flat that they would even sleep in different beds.

They went to the bathroom and brushed their teeth together (Harry felt a weird feeling when he saw that his own toothbrush Louis bought him was still there) and Louis helped him undress and put him to bed.

"Do you need something? Are you feeling alright?" Louis asked, his eyes looking tired and worn out as he searched over Harry's face. And as Louis was leaning over Harry, looking down at him, Harry felt another surge of confidence due to the alcohol and did the one thing he would surely regret the next morning.

He took ahold of Louis' head, tugged it down and kissed him. He closed his eyes and put all his love and despair in the kiss, trying to signal Louis that he still needed him, regrets breaking up with him. He didn't think for a second about the reason they ended their relationship, just listened to his heart in this very moment.

Louis gasped into the kiss but didn't stop him. After a short moment, he responded and grabbed his cheeks to pull him closer and began to lick into his mouth which made Harry whimper and deepen the kiss.

After a while of them snogging, Harry attempted to tug Louis even closer by his shoulders which ended in the older boy falling on top of Harry, who smiled happily and started to run his hands through Louis' hair, humming.

Louis hesitated for a moment and leaned back to inspect Harry and search his face for any kind of sign that this wasn't what Harry wanted. Also, he didn't seem that drunk anymore, and Louis was a bit wasted as well, so he didn't really think about the consequences.

"Are you absolutely sure, Harry?" Louis whispered, staring into Harry's eyes with a blue shimmer of the moon that was shining through the window. He looked absolutely beautiful. How could he ever let this stunning boy go? His love of his life?

Harry, looking totally blissed out with half-closed lids and a red mouth, nodded and Louis didn't hesitate a second before crushing his mouth to Harry's again.

•

warning: smut

Harry didn't even remember how or when exactly he got here, in Louis' flat, in his bed, at night, with Louis, his ex-boyfriend himself, right above him, but he couldn't really say he cared about any of that right now.

He just stared into Louis' shiny blue eyes, got lost in them. Oh, how he missed them, hasn't seen them in forever, it felt like. He also didn't think he would see them like this ever again. So close, in such an intimate moment. It was perfect.

"Hey, you okay, Haz? You've got a sober enough mind, don't you?" Louis asked, concerned and Harry felt warmth spread out in his chest at his words. He nodded with a lazy smile on his face.

Tugging the blanket away from his body onto the ground, Harry wrapped his long, bare legs around Louis' back and tugged him even closer to his body. Louis stared at Harry's naked chest and brought his hand up to touch Harry's nipple. As he pinched it, Harry gasped and Louis chuckled. "God, I missed this. I missed you."

Harry craned his head to kiss him again and sighed happily into the kiss. Their tongues touched and Louis groaned. After a while of them kissing filthily, Louis started pressing wet kisses along Harry's cheek and under his jaw. When he reached his neck, he sucked confidently and Harry whimpered loudly, his hands in Louis' hair, tugging sharply.

"Could you... tug this off," Harry asked desperately between moans, pulling on Louis' shirt until his ex-boyfriend removed it from his body. When they were both naked from the waist up, Louis adjusted his body so he was snug against Harry, their chests touching.

Feeling Louis' hard dick through his own boxers and Louis' jeans, Harry grinded up against him frantically to get some sort of friction. Louis moaned lowly and struggled to hold himself up.

Harry's shaking fingers started to unzip Louis' jeans and tried to get him out of them. He whimpered when it didn't work, and Louis stood up, grinning, to help him.

After they were both only in their boxers, Louis laid down on the bed on his back and pulled Harry with him on his lap. They started kissing again, tongues swirling in their mouths, both of them forgetting everything around them and just focussing on each other, drinking in their tastes.

Harry slowly started to build up an rhythm, slowly rocking his hips forward, grinding their clothed cocks together and making both of them moan into their mouths, pulling away to gasp for air. Laying his forehead on Louis', he continued to make small motions with his hips, watching the older boy's expression on his face, his crease between his eyebrows, his concentrated-looking face with his closed eyes and opened mouth, sweaty hair sticking to his shiny face. Without thinking, Harry leaned a bit away to kiss him on his nose and get him to open his eyes to admire those as well.

When Louis did, Harry smiled at him and at his perfect face. Louis mirrored him and brought his hand up to poke his dimple which made Harry laugh and blush. Louis put his hands back on Harry's waist, pecked him on the lips softly and said the one thing Harry didn't think he'd ever hear from him again.

"I love you."

Harry stared down at him, feeling sudden tears prick at his eyes and squeezed them closed. He felt too much emotions all at once collecting in his stomach and didn't know what to do, or say.

After a few seconds, he opened them again and saw Louis looking at him with an unsure, soft expression, smiling. He still loved him. Harry stared at him, from his hair to his stubble and felt a surge of happiness spreading out in his chest. Swallowing the lump in his throat, Harry let out a gasp and felt tears slip out of his eyes. Sobbing pathetically, Harry let himself fall on Lou's chest and tucked his head in his neck, hiding his cries.

Louis cooed and started to pet Harry's hair, whispering sweet nothings in his ear and kissing as much as he could reach. "Don't cry, love, please. C'mon, look at me, baby," Louis breathed and Harry did as he said, sitting back on the boy's hips and blushing furiously. "Sorry. That was embarrassing."

Louis shook his head quickly and leaned up to kiss him again. "It wasn't, Haz. I promise. It was cute." Smiling, Louis tucked a strand of hair behind Harry's ear. "Let's continue where we left off, shall we? I'm still hard," he smirked and bucked his hips up to prove.

Harry grinned and nodded, remembering his own hardness and adjusted his body to make their dicks touch through the layers. He moved his hips again in a quicker rhythm and supported his weigh on his arms, beside Louis' body.

After a while of them grinding against each other, Harry moved one of his arms between their bodies to free his cock out of his boxer-shorts and wrapped his hand around him, gasping and wanking frantically, Louis watching him mesmerized, biting his lip and getting his own hand under his boxers to stroke his own cock, turn on by the sight of Harry.

When Harry noticed, he grinned and slapped away Louis' hand, replacing it with his own and soon wrapping his large hand around both of their cocks, rubbing them together and making both of the boys moan out loudly. "F-fuck, Harry, oh my God," Louis cursed under his breath and threw his head back against the sheets.

Harry nodded, blushing hard, not being able to say a thing with how out of breath he was. Stroking both of their dicks at a rapid pace, Harry squeezed his eyes shut and started to fuck into his hand as well, moaning constantly.

When Harry got close to climaxing, he leaned down to kiss Louis hard, pushing his hot tongue into Louis' mouth desperately. Louis grunted and brought one of his hands on Harry's ass, grabbing it and reaching between his cheeks to rub at his hole, which made Harry let out a loud gasp, followed by a moan as he buckled forward against Louis, his body spasming as he came, white streaks shooting out of his cock on both of their stomachs, hot and sticky.

Louis stroked his back soothingly as he started to stroked only his cock now with his other hand, Harry too tired to do so. Frantically moving his hand back and forth, Louis grunted while listening to Harry's soft breathing. "I love you too, Lou," the younger boy whispered and that's what did it for Louis; he orgasmed as well, hard and with his eyes shut, one of his hands squeezing Harry's ass which made the boy sigh exhaustingly.

After both of them got completely rid of their boxers and cleaned themselves up as best as they could, they settled back against the sheets and fell asleep happily, Harry snug in his lover's arms.

•

Honestly, Harry already knew he would wake up without Louis next to him. He already guessed it. But apparently that didn't stop the boy from feeling a sharp tug at his heart when he woke up slowly, patting the sheets around him only to find them cold.

Harry sighed, disappointed and opened his eyes hesitantly because of the bright sun shining in Lou's room. It must be late. He turned his body to look at the watch Louis keeps on his nightstand and sees that, indeed, it's already 1 pm. Louis' probably off to uni.

After getting out of bed and collecting his clothes off the ground to put them on, Harry decided to get out of here as soon as possible. He was already having a hard time trying not to remember all the moments they had together, a lot of Harry's firsts they experienced in this flat, this room, this bed Harry was currently sitting on.

He remembered what happened last night. He was pretty much sober again when they did what they did, that's probably why he can still recall ever single thing, every detail. He wished he didn't remember, at least the his heart wouldn't feel this full of hope even though he knew what had happened didn't mean they'd get together again. Because, knowing Louis, he doesn't leave things unsaid, unfixed without properly talking about the problem first. And, well, the problem can't really be fixed at the moment.

When Harry walked out of the bedroom into the kitchen, he saw a glass with a pill next to it on the table, with a piece of paper Harry picked up immediately.

Hey Harry, please drink this if you have a headache, and I hope it'll get better. I don't know if you remember what happened, but if you do, this can't happen again, I'm sorry but I think it's better the way it was before.  
\- Louis

Harry sighed and tried to hold his tears back. He already expected this, so it wasn't that much of a surprise, even though it hurt. Folding the small paper carefully and drinking up the water with the pill, Harry left the flat and noticed on his way home that it was Saturday and Louis most likely didn't even have to go to uni that day. He probably just didn't want to see Harry.

*

When the boy got home, he immediately ran up the stairs to his sister. He's told her about Louis and the breakup, cried his eyes out on her shoulder when it was the hardest for Harry at night, and he could trust and count on her 100%.

After he told her what happened (obviously not all the details), she comforted him and told him how much of an asshole Louis was, knowing how sensitive Harry is and how hurt he can get so easily.

When Louis and Harry have had their very first fight over something really stupid, Harry left Louis' flat and cried at home because of how much Louis yelled at him. He had thought the older boy would want to break up. When Gemma comprehended what had happened, she instantly wanted to go to Louis' and give him her piece of mind, but before she could, the doorbell rang and Louis stood there with a bouquet of roses in his hand, red eyes and an apologetic impression on his face.

Harry went into his bedroom and contemplated the words Gemma told him. His sister advised him to let go of Louis, delete his number and distract himself from anything that reminds him of his ex boyfriend.

But as if that was that easy. Right when Harry laid back on his bed, exhausted, he caught sight of a photo frame of Louis and him. Why hasn't he removed them yet? It has been over a month now since they've broken up.

Without thinking, Harry fetched out his phone and started typing in Louis name. Instead of deleting his contact, though, he decided to call him. He wanted to hear from Louis' words what he had written on that paper.

It went straight to voicemail. Of course. But that was enough of an answer for Harry. He frowned. Why the hell was he even being so clingy when he was the one that broke up with him? It was his fault, basically. And it wasn't exactly a mistake, now that he really thought about it. He broke up with Louis for a reason. He wasn't happy with the way it was. Louis smoked way too much and Harry wasn't gonna watch his boyfriend ruin his body slowly. No. Harry did the right thing, he convinced himself.

Gemma was right. And clearly Harry wasn't even worth giving up smoking. So how much of a hard time could Louis even have after the breakup when let go of his boyfriend that easily?

So Harry deleted their chat, and Louis number. He removed all the things lying around in his room that Harry somehow connected with Louis. He didn't have the heart to throw them away, so he put them in a big box and put it under his bed.

His whole room looked so much emptier now. That was a good thing, right? He was clearing his head that way. He had to accept the fact that they were no longer a thing. What was happening yesterday would not repeat itself. Ever.

Harry had to move on eventually and now, he thinks, is the time that finally something is happening. It's a step in the right direction. No more moping around, no more crying over things that are over. He had to look forward, and that's what he will do.

For the first time in what felt like forever, Harry had hope that it would finally get better. He hoped the same for Louis, but it seemed like not that much of a struggle for him anyway, he was probably fine. And Harry will be fine, too.

•

He felt better. Seriously, ever since Harry convinced himself that he had to move on and that Louis and him wouldn't get back together, he kind of believed and accepted it. It felt weird. Suddenly Louis wasn't all he ever thought about, now grades and friends and family played a role too. He kinda realized he must have neglected Niall and his other friends a bit all this time Louis and him were a couple. It seemed like the older boy was all that mattered that time.

Not anymore, though. He spent time with his friends, went to the cinema, the park, clubs. And his family. He really missed them. They haven't done anything together in a long time, but just recently Gemma, his mom and him went hiking together.

To sum it all up, it was all going great. He hasn't seen Louis for two months now, and it didn't even feel that long. Maybe he's just pushed back into the back of his head, but he doesn't care as long as he's not miserable anymore.

Right now Harry was in the public library, studying with a guy he met there. His name was Cole and he was really nice. Ever since Harry mistook him for a hot librarian when he asked him for a book he was looking for, they've been meeting up and having study dates. It was nice.

Even though Harry studied for school and Cole for uni, they can help each other with problems and difficulties. Harry really enjoyed his company and felt comfortable around him.

This time it was different though. Cole seemed to be troubled about something, fidgeting on his chair and licking his lips ever few seconds, nervously. Harry asked him about it, but every time the older guy would nod his head and look down on his book. Hmm.

When they packed their things at 3 p.m., Harry wanted to say goodbye and leave, but Cole grabbed his arm and stopped him from doing so. "Would you maybe... like... go out and do something together?" he asked uncertainly, chewing on his lip. Harry raised his eyebrows, surprised. "Do what?"

"Hmm, I heard there's a really good movie in the cinema right, maybe we could go? If you want," Cole requested and Harry smiled. "Sure, why not? Which movie?"

*

When the credits rolled, Harry sat in his seat sadly, tears running down his cheeks continuously. "Aww, c'mon Harry, don't cry," Cole cooed sympathetically and wiped the wetness off my face gently. "It's so stupid," Harry murmured, sulking, "why do the best people always have to die in movies?"

Cole shrugged and stood up. "Do you wanna go eat something? Or do you need to go home?" Harry took out his phone to check the time. "No, still got time, I guess," he answered and grinned up at him. "Let's go."

*

Harry learned that Cole was 20, that he went to the same university Louis went to (which he tried to ignore though) and that his hobbies were photography and drawing. He was quite the artsy type.

"Do you have, like, proper equipment for that? An expensive camera and all that?" Harry asked curiously. "Yeah, I even have it with me right now, look." He set his huge bag on his lap (Harry already wondered what was in that thing) and took out a really nice looking camera.

Before Harry knew it, there was a flash in his sight and he squeezed his eyes shut. "Hey!" he shouted scandalized. "You have to ask me first!" Cole cackled at that. "Oh, are you gonna sue me?" Harry nodded with a serious expression but a small smile tugging at his lips.

*

After that Cole brought Harry home with his car. "Thanks for today, really. I had a great time and you're very cool," Harry said, awkwardly because he didn't know what to do or say. Cole laughed. "No problem, anytime Harry."

The younger boy leaned over his seat and hugged him goodbye and got out of the car with a smile on his lips and a weird feeling in his chest. When he was upstairs in his room, doing homework an hour later, he got a text from Cole. He was wishing him a goodnight with a red heart at the end of the text. Did that mean what Harry thought it meant?

He couldn't stop himself from overthinking. Did Cole want to go out with him, maybe? Was Harry even ready for a relationship? Was it too fast? It has been 2 month since the breakup, was it too early to start something new? What would Louis think? No, stop, Harry reminded himself. It didn't matter what Louis thought, right? He probably already moved on anyway, right? Right. Harry can do whatever he wanted without thinking of his ex-boyfriend.

*

They've been doing a lot more things outside of the library lately, like meeting up at a café or just walking around the park.

Cole and Harry got on really well, they joked around very often but managed to have deep conversations too, talking about any kinds of topic. Except Louis. Harry didn't feel ready to talk about him just yet. Maybe one reason for that was that he tried not to think about him as well, distracting himself as much as possible.

And it was working. Cole was a fun person to be around, and maybe, just maybe, Harry should move on for real by starting something new, a relationship, maybe? If Cole even wanted that, of course. Although it wasn't hard to notice the looks Cole gave him, and the genuine laughs the guy let out when Harry tells a joke that wasn't the least bit funny.

Harry didn't really feel butterflies in his stomach or anything like that. In his whole life, only Louis could make him feel that way. He was special. A few months ago, Harry would have stated that Louis was the love of his life. But does that even exist? Or does everything that's good come to an end?

•

It's been nearly one month since Harry and Cole went on dates regularly. He still hasn't mentioned Louis, didn't even know if they knew each other because they went to the same university, but he had told him about a boyfriend he just recently broke up with. It certainly didn't feel like recently, though.

Harry wasn't sure what Cole and him even were. He had no idea what the guy wanted, a relationship? Harry wasn't confident enough to ask, but it seemed like Cole only wanted them to be friends because he never made any hints about a relationship. Are their dates even dates, after all? Harry had no idea.

Until Cole kissed him.

They had just had ice cream at a café and Cole drove Harry home because it was almost 8 p.m. and the boy still had to do his homework for the other day.

Cole brought Harry to his door and thanked him for the day, like he always did so sweetly. Harry grinned and before he knew it, the older boy was leaning forward and kissing him confidently.

Harry stared at him with open eyes, surprised, because his eyes fluttered shut and he gave himself into it.

Shockingly, their kiss wasn't slow and soft, rather sloppily with Cole grabbing onto his neck and pushing his tongue into Harry's mouth almost violently.

But Harry didn't think much of it, tried to enjoy how much Cole seemed to like their kiss. After a while, though, Harry lightly pushed at his chest, signalling him to stop, and Cole broke their kiss off. "Sorry," he flushed, "got a bit carried away there, didn't I?" Harry smiled reassuringly. "It's fine. It was really... nice. Thank you. But... my parents are inside, so..." Cole nodded quickly, "Right, yeah... So... see you tomorrow?" Harry nodded, smiling, and the older boy gave him a quick peck on his lips. "Bye!"

Inside, he avoided his mom's question about whose car was in their driveway and went upstairs instead, locking his room and taking a deep breath, rethinking what just happened.

It was supposed to be a good feeling, right? You were supposed to have an exciting, hot, weird feeling in your chest (and maybe other regions) and butterflies in your stomach?

Harry felt... nothing? It was surprising to say the least, he really liked Cole and would even go as far as say he had a crush on him, but was it really a crush when there was no feeling after their first kiss?

Who knows, maybe it takes some time, after all, it wasn't that horrible, he would live. (Harry pushed away the thought that it wasn't like that at all with Harry's first kiss with a certain someone)

*

Harry's relationship with Cole was... weird, if you could even call it a relationship, because they haven't talked about that yet and Cole made no signs whatsoever that there's something they should maybe discuss. But it didn't matter.

They were just kissing occasionally, and doing things which could be interpreted as dates but who knows?

Harry didn't plan on asking him about him, what would he even say? But if he's being totally honest with himself, a part of him didn't even want to know what exactly they were. He couldn't really imagine being in a relationship with someone that isn't... well, Louis. Because he was his first boyfriends, most of his firsts in general. And Harry was just now excepting and even realizing that they weren't together anymore.

So, right now, Harry was content with how things were. He was totally fine with taking things slow.

*

Cole invited Harry to a party. It was a birthday party of one of his friends, if Harry remembered correctly. Mason, was it?

He was practically forced to go by Cole, because Harry absolutely didn't want to. Because the thing is, it was pretty much going to be a party with almost only university students invited. Who knew who was gonna be there?

That's why he begged Cole to stay at home, but didn't exactly tell him the reason why he didn't want to go to the party.

It was to no avail. Harry asked him if at least Niall could join them, but then Cole pouted and just said he didn't want Niall to come because it should just be Harry and him, which didn't even make sense when they're going to a party.

Sighing, Harry stood in front of his mirror, checking out his outfit, face and hair. Would he look too young? Would people look at him and wonder why he's even there? Ask the host to kick him out, maybe? Ugh. Harry was having way too many thoughts in his head, causing him a headache.

The doorbell rang. It was Cole, standing at the door with a smirk on his face. "You look good, babe. You ready?"

Harry gulped and nodded. "Sure." He had an uneasy feeling in his chest, tightening his throat. Something would happen tonight. He just knew it, somehow.

Whatever. Harry faked a smile, putting on his shoes and a jacket and walking out with his... friend Cole.

*

"Did you get him anything," Harry broke the silence and looked over at the older guy who was driving. He furrowed his eyebrows confused. "Who?" Harry stared at him. "Mason. Your best friend whose birthday it is today," Harry deadpanned. "Oh. Um, no. I don't really do that kind of stuff. It's kinda unnecessary."

What kind of stuff? Getting presents for people you care about? Is that not that important? As long as Harry knows, he's been getting the people who he can call his friends gifts for every possible occasion, birthdays, Christmas, Easter, even. One-month, two-month, three-month-anniversaries. Every month he'd get a present for his boyfriend, making sure Louis knew how much Harry cared about him and that he loved him with his whole heart.

He just loved getting things for people in general, making them smile and feel important, because that's what friends are supposed to do, in Harry's opinion. He didn't get how that could be something Cole didn't care about at all, but, well. Each to their own.

•

The party was more crowded than Harry thought. There were people everywhere, talking, drinking, dancing, smoking. Cups and bottles were splattered everywhere already, and it wasn't even that early yet. Harry kinda hated it already.

"C'mon," Cole took his hand in his and Harry looked up at him surprised. The older guy didn't notice the look he gave him, staring straight ahead while walking towards the entrance. Wow. Since when do they hold hands? And most importantly, why? Was it because they were surrounded by a lot of people?

Cole gave off the impression that he didn't want to go further than where they were in their "relationship". Harry thought it was just kissing and nothing more between them, but now Cole's holding his hand like they've been doing that forever. But whatever.

They walk inside and Harry's hit with a weird smell instantly. Weed. Ugh. That's just great. Harry sniffed disgustedly.

Other than that, Harry noticed that there were only older people, well, older than Harry anyway, people without a baby face like him, people with beards and all that. Harry really wouldn't be surprised if he saw Louis. But he really also hoped he wouldn't.

Cole said hello to a bunch of people who Harry didn't know, obviously. He looked at them, bored, but smiled and introduced himself when they looked his way.

Later on, when it got way too boring, Harry excused himself to get himself something to drink. He mixed himself orange juice with a bit of vodka and proceeded to get back to Cole but stopped when he noticed who he was talking to now.

Louis stood next to him, talking with him and a bunch of other guys. He looked... different. He had another hairstyle, it looked like he cut it which almost made Harry pout. He had loved his longer hair. This looked good too, though. Obviously.

Louis also looked a bit thinner than when he last saw him. His cheekbones stood out a bit more, and he was a bit paler than usual, which honestly didn't look healthy. Was Louis not eating well?

Harry had no idea what he should do now. Go there and act like he didn't know Louis? That probably wouldn't work. Tell Cole who Louis was? Obviously they knew each other, but most certainly didn't know that they were dating.

"Hey, Harry, come here!" Cole suddenly shouted. Shit. All the heads in their circle turned to him, Louis' as well. When he saw Harry, his eyes widened and he was gaping. His skin possibly turned even paler.

Harry snapped his eyes back to Cole and slowly walked towards them with his head down. The older guy took his hand in his and introduced them to Harry and him to them. Harry's hand felt clammy and uncomfortable in Cole's and Harry was sweating all over.

He could see Louis staring at their hand, and then in Harry's eyes unbelievably. Harry tried to avoid them and stared at the ground, ashamed. He didn't know why he felt like that, he wasn't doing anything wrong.

While they all - all except Louis who was awfully quit - talked about some football game, Harry's gaze kept switching between Louis and the ground. The older guy's eyes looked a bit red around the edge, he was probably drunk or maybe even high.

After a while Harry just couldn't handle the almost judging glance Louis gave him. He sighed, "I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick, be right back."

Walking away and letting out a relieving sigh, Harry realized he had to find the bathroom first. Letting out another sigh, he just went upstairs and decided he'd look for it there.

After stumbling around a bit cluelessly, a voice behind him spoke up suddenly, "The bathrooms's right here, H." Harry spun around startled and saw Louis in front of him, pointing to the door to his left.

Harry walked by quickly, watching the ground and muttering a quiet "Thanks." Before he knew it, though, Louis slipped inside the room as well, closing in behind him and looking up at Harry questioningly. 

"What are you doing? I've got to pee," Harry said, looking at his shoes awkwardly. Louis let out a scoff. "No you don't."

The younger boy scratched his head. Louis was right, but still. What was he doing in the room with him?

"So... are you and that guy, like... together? Louis asked nonchalantly, picking at his nails. By his voice, Harry could tell he was clearly drunk. He was surprised by his question, though. "Who, Cole?" Looking up at Louis, he saw him chewing on his nails now, looking a bit anxious. "Yeah. Obviously fucking Cole." His eyebrows were furrowed.

Harry's eyebrow raised. "What if I was?" he asked with a challenging look at him. Louis glanced up and there was a strong crease between his two eyebrows now. "Are you or not?" he pressed, urgent.

Harry started smiling a bit. "Nope," he said and saw how almost instantly his face and posture eased in relieve, Louis himself letting out a long breath. Harry didn't know what that meant. "But we're getting there," he added quietly, because why not? And they are, right? From the way they held hands and kissed, it seemed like that for sure.

Louis' eyes widened at that. "No!" he protested loudly and Harry winced a bit. "He's an asshole, honestly, you shouldn't go with that fucker."

Harry shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know, he seems pretty nice and cool to me." Suddenly, Louis was stepping closer to him and stared up in his eyes with a kind of desperate expression, looking mad but pouting at the same time which made Harry coo inside. And then.

"I stopped smoking."

Harry froze, too shocked to do or say anything. He stopped smoking? What? After a few seconds of silence, Louis huffed and looked pleading. "C'mon, say something. I haven't smoked since Monday, I think? That's pretty impressive, right?"

Harry nodded slowly. "Well, congratulations," he commented, not knowing what else to say. Louis looked shocked himself, now. "That's all?"

Harry nodded slowly. "Well, congratulations," he commented, not knowing what else to say. Louis looked shocked himself, now. "That's all?"

Harry felt uncomfortable. "I don't really know what to say... I didn't really think you would stop smoking." Louis lips turned downwards. "I did it for you. I still love you, you know. The past few months have been terrible." Harry's heart swelled and he wanted to say, I still love you too! Let's get back together! but his words got stuck in his throat, too shocked still to process anything that's happening.

Suddenly the door swung open and Cole stood there, looking inside and smirking when he saw Harry. "You coming, babe? We're going outside to smoke some weed." The younger boy couldn't even tell him that he didn't smoke, and hadn't Harry told Cole dozens of times how much he hated smoking? His eyes were still on Louis, who himself was looking at the door with a sour expression, his lips forming a tight line.

Harry sighed and went to follow Cole who had already disappeared again, when Louis grabbed him and turned him around to face him. "Harry, please..." he pleaded, and Harry gave him a sad look which was matching Louis'.

And then Louis was leaning forward and kissed him on the lips. Harry froze. Louis tasted like alcohol, his thin lips parting and the kiss turning desperate. The older boy trapped him against his body and the door, locking in in the process and holding onto Harry's hips.

Louis detached himself from Harry and stared up in his eyes. "I love you. I literally can't live without you, I really tried but... I can't."

Suddenly all the feelings Harry kept locking away in his mind came free, all the pain and all the sorrow in his heart that he just ignored in the hope that they would just disappear somehow.

He needed Louis just as much, missed everything about him, his touch and his love. Louis was kinda like his source of happiness, he couldn't be without him either.

"I love you too, Lou. So much." Harry whispered and leaned into another kiss. It was so familiar, the movements, the touches, the taste, even though most of it was alcohol.

And then it dawned on him when there was a knock on the door. Shit. Cole. Harry pushed Louis away and stared at him, panicked. What should he do now? Hurrying to the mirror, Harry looked at himself, at his wild hair and his red lips that told everything. Fixing himself as best as he could, Louis cleared his throat. "Harry..." Jumping at his voice, he turned to him, seeing that his hair was just as messy, and Louis looked at him sadly. "What happens now?"

Harry bit his lip. "I don't know, but... I have to get back. I... don't know, sorry." Louis nodded and avoided Harry's stare, looking at the ground now. "Sure." Then, without another word, he unlocked the door and left the room, leaving Harry with hollow feeling in his chest.

*

Outside, they really were smoking weed. Harry declined of course, but Cole still did it, one joint in his one hand and Harry's hand in his other hand. It felt wrong. They weren't even together, what even were Cole's intentions?

His thoughts were somewhere entirely else, though. He wondered where he was right now, what he was doing. Harry should be with him, he couldn't help feeling like he had done a terrible mistake by going back to Cole.

But what even was right and wrong? Did it mean anything that Louis stopped smoking? For him. Harry never wanted Louis to stop just for him, he wanted him to realize how dangerous it was and stop because of that, not because Harry, the most stupid and idiotic boyfriend, told him so. He shouldn't have just left him. He should have supported him. Helped him properly.

Harry felt tears coming up and blinked them away before looking up at Cole. He's made his decision, finally made up his mind now. "Cole."

The older guy turned to him. "Yeah?" Harry removed his hand that was being held by Cole. "I can't be your boyfriend. I-I'm sorry, but... if you even wanted to be with me to begin with, I can't. Sorry," he said apologetically, voice quiet enough so that only Cole could hear.

Cole's face was unreadable. "O-okay? Good to know," he murmured. "I don't care anyway," he added, bringing up the joint and taking a deep drag. Harry had to hold in his cough when Cole exhaled in his direction. "And," Harry started. "I hate smoking and the smell, so... I'm gonna go."

And he walked away. Looking for Louis.

*

It took a while until he found him, under the stairs in a small corner with a bottle of tequila, moping. Harry smiled automatically, knowing that's Louis' way of coping with certain feelings.

He sat next to him. "Hey."

Louis looked up at him surprised for a small second before going back to wearing a blank impression. "Shouldn't you be somewhere else?" he asked ironically.

"Yeah, I, um. I wanna say sorry. And- no, I really shouldn't be somewhere else. And I don't wanna be, either."

Louis snorted. "Sorry for what exactly?"

"I'm sorry for basically forcing you to stop smoking? I just- I hated it so much and I can't even imagine what it's like to stop something you're... addicted to? I just thought it would be easier and help you more if I gave you an ultimatum. I wanted you to be healthy, and I still do! But this wasn't the right way to do it, or maybe it was because you stopped eventually but... I don't know."

When Harry finished, he dared to look at Louis and saw him looking at Harry as well. After a few seconds of silence Louis admitted, "I just want to be with you. Whatever it takes." Harry fought with tears again and just let them spill out slowly this time. "Same. I love you, Louis."

Louis leaned forward and kissed him. "I love you too," he whispered into the kiss and both of them laughed breathlessly, foreheads touching and eyes looking into each others deeply. And then they kissed again, for maybe half an hour before they decided to continue this in Louis' flat.

•

 

It was difficult, making Louis stop smoking, but eventually they made it work, together.

It took a lot of crying on both sides, Louis because he craved a cigarette so much and Harry because he couldn't always find the strength to motivate Louis, to keep him from buying one, which in turn made Louis cry because he thought this meant Harry would leave him once again and Harry had to convince him that he wouldn't ever do it again. It was kind of like a vicious circle, but eventually they made it work.

Every time Louis told Harry how much he was longing for a cancer stick, Harry tried to distract him from that craving, with whatever he had in mind. Kisses were what worked the best, or even going beyond kisses sometimes. Louis wasn't yearning for a cigarette after that.

The worst days were when Harry wasn't there because of uni. Usually Harry practically lived with Louis with how much he was there. He went to his flat almost everyday, going home in the evening because Harry's parents didn't allow him sleeping there on weekdays, but on weekends Harry slept over. But there were days were university was very stressful, having multiple assignments to do with a deadline that was way too short. Which ensued in Harry having to spent days at home, working on his homework.

And after a week of having no time for Louis, he came home to his flat with a key Louis gave him to see Louis smoking on the balcony. Those were the times Harry felt helpless, felt like all the weeks Louis didn't smoke were for nothing, that no matter how many days, weeks, months Louis could go without smoking, he would return to smoking eventually.

But when Louis noticed Harry standing there, he would always hurry up to him and cradle the boy in his arms and tell him how hard it had been without him, that it was just a relapse which was normal and that it had seriously gotten better.

And it became better, slowly but surely.


End file.
